Deteriorate
by FutileLullaby
Summary: Only Shiro  Ichi's best-friend  is there to try and help Ichigo get over the sad memories his mother left behind. Ichigo is positive he can never let this go, he'll get revenge and possibly fall in love.


**Deteriorate**

*Okay, first off, my first story,Yaoi/BoyxBoy, well in later chapters...if there are any. I'm quite positive that this won't have that many chapters all because of the way I wrote the first one. Blah, blah, blah. Ahh, death in the family is always sad. I'm so gonna do a flashback to the day she died. Oh snap, of and um. Review and shizz, please.

Summary: The month Ichigo's mother was murdered was a month of great mourning. Many of his friends were there to comfort him, to pull him through this hardship, but he blew them off, and the same with the ones that followed. Then there was Ichigo's closet friend, the alibino "demon" named Shirosaki. He usually didn't give a fuck about anyone elses problems, but there's something, something about Ichigo, that makes him want to help. Possibly to get that constant melancholy frown off his face. People are much more attractive without it anyway. *Failed Summary*

**These days I don't see you walk to proud**  
><strong>These days I don't hear you talk so loud<strong>  
><strong>When you thought you'd soaked up all of the blows<strong>  
><strong>You realized you were not even close<strong>

**& it feels like it's tearing you up**  
><strong>Feels like its wearing you down<strong>

**You'll get through this if you hang on**  
><strong>Cause the truth is you're not alone<strong>  
><strong>You'll get through this if you hang on<strong>  
><strong>The truth is you're not alone<strong>  
><strong>You're not on your own<strong>

**(Hold On - Magnet)**

Chapter One: Trust me and forget

"Okay, fuck you." Shuuhei's hands collided roughly with Ichigo's causing him to stumble back a few steps.

"No one seems to be good enough, to try to fucking help you. All you do is be a little bitch to everyone." Ichigo didn't move, didn't even respond to him, just watched his back slowly fade in the distance. As soon as Ichigo was sure Shuuhei was completly gone, Ichigo fell to his knee. Crumpling into a ball, tucking his head between his knees. He stayed like that, for the rest of the lunch, for the rest of the day. He blocked out all of the by-passing whispers of the people who thought suspiciously of him. Every now and again, when some one who had the decency to come ask what was wrong, but to only be scared away by a harsh "Fuck you." and an attempted deck to the face.

"Aye, Ichi, what the hell are yer' doin'?" That voice was oh'so familiar to Ichigo. Ichigo looked up, his eyes meeting with the golden like ones looking down at him, they were full of amusment._ 'Shiro'. _Annoyance shadowed Ichigo's features. Turning his gaze else where Ichigo replies.

"None, of ya' damn business." Ichigo heard a scoft in Shiro direction. It really pissed Ichigo off when he did that. Ichigo turned in the complete opposite direction of Shiro and just started walking. As Shiro caught up to Ichigo, he felt the quick connection of a hand to ass. Not to lie the slightest bit, but Ichigo let out a quick_ 'meep!' , _before he turned torwards Shiro, glaring daggers at him. Shiro held up his hands in defense. "Aye Strawberry, don't be mad, it's just that your ass is cute." The grin that ate Shiro's features honestly creeped Ichigo out at times.

"Don't you _ever_ touch my ass again, and most of fucking all don't you dare calling me _that_ name again or you'l be fucking sorry." Ichigo stomped away like an angry child. Just so Ichigo couldn't hear him Shiro said it again.

"Straaaaaawberry."

"Can't we take another way home?" Ichigo was flat he was looking down at the pavement, making sure that his bangs were covering his eyes, he was on the verge of tears. _' Why the hell was I acting like this. I'm acting like a scared as bitch, it's making me sick. It's all _her _damn fault for leaving me. If she could see me now, see all the shit she put me through. I hate you. I fucking hate you. I hate you so damn much, Mom._

"Aye, yo Ichi, did you hear me?" Shiro's voice crashed Ichgio's train of thought. Looking up at Shiro, he was so lost.

"Uhh, what was the question?" Shiro literally face palmed. "First of all, it wasn't a question, it was more of a fucking monologue, about how, you have to face your fear and get over the shit. Forgive her for leaving you, even though she didn't do anything. It's not like she killed herself, _they_ killed her and it's not like you can hold a grudge against some one you've never even met. Ichigo, yer' being a fucking idiot. I want you to listen to me. Look at me straight in the eyes, and do as I say." You have no idea how bad Ichigo wanted to punch Shrio in his face for saying this shit, but it was the truth, the bitter truth. Instead of punching him, he looked up at him, just like Shiro had told him to. Shiro smiled seeing Ichigo's eyes meet his.

"Okay Ichi, walk straight through the cemetary, as you walk through let your thoughts run wild, but when you get out, forget, just fucking forget, everything. Can you do that fer' me Ichi?" Ichigo nodded, his eyes had gone void of life, empty golden brown eyes. Ichigo nodded and turned torwars the gate. His first step scared the living shit out of him, he thought he was going to collapse, right there, but Shiro already had one arm around Ichigo's waist and the other resting on his shoulder, there to support him, as if he knew what Ichigo was thinking.

"You can do it, it's simple, just walk." Shiro nodded and let go of Ichigo. Ichigo stood at the gate of the cemetery and hesitated for a moment before walking. As Ichigo took the walk of a life time, he felt as if he were flying, his body became weightless. For a moment he thought he had passed out, but he opened his eyes. Ichigo was greeted with a bright light, and it was ugly.

"The hell?" Ichigo looked around, then he stopped, when he smelt it. He smelt her, her perfume. A perfect blend of mango and Lavender. It was an odd combination, but it fit her. She was odd, a special kind of odd, nothing really made her upset well except for the occasional broken nail, but over all she was an amazing women. People said Ichigo looked exactly like her, though she was a girl. Like that made a difference, Ichigo was mistaken for a girl _all_ the time. It royally pissed him off.

Ichigo's eyes searched the light for the source of the smell, no one else Ichigo had ever known wore that scent like his mother did, so she had to be here, where ever here is.

_"Heaven." _

Ichigo didn't hear that. He did_ not_ hear that. His mothers voice. As clear as day, as if she were right next to him. His eyes met with the brightest spot in the entire place, so bright he had to shield his eyes. He felt so fucking stupid, this shit isn't real, and it never will be. When he wakes up, he's going to rip Shiro a new one.

" How about the edge of Heaven, this is all a joke, a sick and twisted joke." Ichigo was fuming, what made Shiro think he would fall for this. Ichigo balled up his fist and looked straight at the blur that is said to be his mother.

"No. More. Lies." Ichigo paused for emphasizes on each word. He let the blinding light of this place, which he wasn't sure if were actually "Heaven" let blackout.

- 0 - 0 -

His body felt lifeless and the pain erupting through his skull was unbearable. "Ichigo, wake the fuck up!" His body was being shaken violently. Whatever had happened to Ichigo that left him in such a state; it was probably not the best idea to be shaking him.

**- Flashback -**

Shiro's eyes were frantic as they watched Ichigo go down. Moments before, Ichigo were standing peacefully by his mother's grave. Then out of the blue he want down like the Titanic. Shiro shot to Ichigo like a bullet after witnessing Ichigo's head band against the grave. Shiro prayed to himself he wasn't hurt, but with a hit like that it was inevitable. _My Strawberry._ Shiro pleaded that this wouldn't be that last time he'd see the orangette's smiling face, if he ever smiles again. From that moment on Shiro made it his personal goal, to see that smile again. Even if it is the last.

As Shiro reached Ichigo he scooped him up, his hands instantly covered in a copious amount of blood. Shiro's insides were contricting. He moved the patch of bright orange hair that was covering the wound. As he pushed passed it, his blood stopped cold. There was nothing there. Shiro would make Ichigo bleed himself for making him worry so much. It was impossible though, he had personally wiitnessed Ichigo hit his head on the solid stone. It's not like Ichigo's head was _that_ hard and he happened to crack the tombstone instead. Shiro glanced over his shoulder just in case. Nope. Again, the albino was dumbstruck, where had all this blood come from? Either way Shiro was relieved enough, no need to questions things that possibly couldn't be explained, he had a pretty good idea though. If Shiro were a sensitive little freak like Ichigo, he'd probably be crying right now. The utter relief that passed through the albino's system had to be the second best feeling in the world. Never topping the feeling of having his Strawberry exsisting in this world, by his side everyday. That could never be topped.

" Ichigo, let's keep a secret between me and you. Never speak of this ever in your life or I'll gut you like a fish." Shiro, simply stared at the almost lifeless Orangette laying across his lap. Shiro felt insane talking to someone who's unconscience, but it made his words come out that much easier. They felt forbidden to speak when Ichigo was alive and well, but with his Strawberry in this state it brought a whole knew meaning to three simple words. The albino took a deep breath. Fisting grass in each of his palms, it slips.

"Ichigo, I Love you."

**- Flashback END -**

_' Was the grass always this soft? ' _Ichigo rolled on his side, feeling weightless for about a second, and then colliding with something hard layered in a coat of _fur_? Where was he, his eyes were still closed only because he was too afraid to open them.

" Ichi, what the hell are yer' doin?" God, his voice was even in his thoughts. The poor Strawbery couldn't get a break. Again he became weightless, and put back on the soft plushy surface of, he opened his eyes. Shiro's bed. _White_. It was all so white. The bedspread, the carpet, and the white an tan rug, that moments before Ichigo was laying on. The orangette quickly shut his eyes again. He 'd galdly except a little splash of color somewhere, but no, Ichigo was positive Shiro was trying to blind him, or make him sick.

" Seriously Ichi, what are you doing?" The albino sounded exasperated. The albino stood annoyed as he stared the orangette lying there, eyes closed, going on and on about how white his room is. " If you haven't noticed, _I_ am also, white. It's my color. Besides you should be happy you're even in this part of the house," The Strawberry opened on eye. " You were covered in blood, luckily I cleaned you off." The albino crossed his arms.

"So, you're saying you saw me naked?" Now he's just being rediculous.

" In case you forgot, I-chi-go, we have the same parts. I'm bigger, but that's besides the point. " Shiro grinned when he saw a light shade of pink, hint at the Strawberry's cheeks. _Moron_. The albino thought to himself before turning on a heel and leaving the room, and as soon as he did, he heard Ichigo cry out.

"Kyaaaaaaa!" Then there was a large _' Clomp!' _Then came the muffled sounds of footsteps approaching fast. Shiro spun to face the orangette, looking angry and flushed. Which happened to be down right adorable, but the Strawberries eyes, suddenly went large as he looked past the ablino at the high ceiling living room.

" You satisfied?" Ichigo merely shook his head with a shocked expression. There was two great windows expanding from ceiling to floor in height and width. It looked out onto the forest. Ichigo pulled his eyes away from the window, and took in the unique living room.

Ichigo used his finger to point out, like he were a chilld. "Is there a point to that? Haveing two gigantic windows that someone can easily break into?" Shiro simply walked over to a switch stuck on the only little space near the window. He flipped it. A cover came down slowly, gradually covering the windows on both sides of it. Inside and out. The room became pitch black for a second until a pair of flourescent lights above them, blinked on. Ichigo hated the looking of unnatural light.

Shiro knocked on the cover. " Not sure what it's made of, all I know is it's strong. No bandit could break through it...I hope." Ichigo rocked back and forth on his heels feeling awkward.

" You okay? " Shiro took a step closer to Ichigo.

"Swell."

" Why are you acting so weird?"

"I'm not, so don't ask."

"Lier." Shiro narrowed his eyes as he spoke.

Ichigo ran a hand through his hair. " just a bad memory is all." The Strawberry sauntered over to a couch. Flopping down and sliding his feet across the white shag rug, just realizing he was barefoot.

" Do tell. " Shiro sat right next to Ichigo leaving no space inbetween them. " I promise not to fall asleep, wait I can't you should probably just sum it up."

" You're hopeless." Ichigo rolled his eyes at the albino. " Yeah, so to the point, when I was twelve going on thirteen, I lived in a house with floor to ceiling windows like this one, except we didn't have that fancy cover up thingy. I've always hated remembering my thirteenth birthday. That night, I was home alone. I stayed up late before soon falling asleep. I thought I would have been able to hear them, but they were _that_ quiet." Ichigo looked up, obviously trying to hold back tears. " I didn't hear them, if only I had, I'd still be -" Ichigo bit his lip. When Shiro realized the blood coming from his lip, he tried making Ichigo continue the story. " You'd still be what? Ichigo just tell me. I can't stand to see you like this, you've already put me through enough today."

Ichigo instantly stopped biting, and looked to Shiro. Shiro's eye's changed from worry to clueless. "Ichigo? The hell? Why are you looking at me like that? Just finish the story." Ichigo snapped, anger finally slipping.

" Don't fucking ask me such an obvious question! Do you not realize how shellfish you're being? What the fuck have I put you through? Ever? Did you just loose someone that mean't the world to you? Why you do this, put all the bagage on my shoulders? Just to watch me fall? To see how strong I really am, being you seem to think I'm so damn weak! Please! Shiro, you're supposed to be my best friend! Why do you seem to know the least about me? Don't think about trying to talk to me tomorrow. Matter-o-fact don't talk to me until you loose someone truely precious to you." Shiro ran straight for the door, into the winter chill. Barefoot and all.

Shiro collapsed into the couch. " Damn Ichi! I can't talk to you, because I think you're that precious one I think I'm loosing.

* * *

><p><strong>{[Authors Note]} - Why was it so diffiucult to write that last sentence so it made sense? -o-First off, I hope you realize now that there is no way that this story can be any longer than 20 chapters or less, or unless I drag out the love confession...IF there is one. So, I'm pretty proud of my work. I admit, I am to lazy to go back and correct. You do it for me and I'll give chocolate. Deal?<strong>

**TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. Fyi. You might as well award me now with the slowest updater to have ever exsisted in the past eighty-thousand years. :T**

**I'll love you forever if you review. Oh, and tell me if you want Ichigo to fall in love with someone else in later chapters, JUST, for there to be an actual conflict that might drag the story on. Is it bad that I put a conflict in so early? So go and sugest a love interest ::Cough:: Grimmjow ::Cough:: PLEASE, don't forget this is yaoi. I'll simply ignore you if you do. :D**

** REVIEW!**

**C out!**


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